
I started this post yesterday, but couldn't finish writing it. I feel it was too negative. I was being too hard on myself. let me start over.
* * *
I am extremely blessed. with nothing short of a miracle {thank you all for sending your good vibes + prayers} I had no pain in my foot on race day. not even with one foot strike. nothing. I was pain free.
as for the rest of my body? I'm not sure my muscles were quite ready for the pounding.
hey, where's the water?! they kept asking.
I woke up at 6am on race day, showered, ate my PB toast, did the whole routine. due to high traffic (peter did some pretty sweet illegal maneuvers on the way--
hey, we're from out of town, I kept telling the other cars) we rolled up to the fargo dome a little later than I had ideally wanted. my warm up was sparse. maybe five minutes. probably less than that. I was not stretched out at all. but o' canada was being sung and then the national anthem -- it was time to line up.
if this race gets any bigger, I suggest to you dear fargo marathon organizers a split in the half and full starts. it was just way too crowded in there. especially when you're trying to follow bobby, your pace team guy. especially when bobby doesn't even slow down at the aid stations, you just have to catch up. catch up?! it was hard enough negotiating my little running self over to the water/powerade peeps and then seeing my pace team already so far ahead. it was a little discouraging + frustrating.
from the onset I was not running my own race. I was trying to keep up. after not having run in a month the pace was probably slightly too fast from the onset and this was only compounded by the fact that since I didn't really warm up and didn't even have the chance to stretch out a little at aid stations my muscles were pretty tight already. especially my hip flexors. (thankfully my IT band and hamstring didn't really bother me at all -- again, a miracle!)

I was able to stay with the group until about mile ten. then the game of catch-up was just too much for me. I knew I wouldn't be able to keep up the pace if I already felt like I did that early on. I couldn't run someone else's race; I had to run my own.
so the pace started gradually slowing. I started stopping to stretch out the legs. things changed. I was losing my mental toughness. I should have spotted it right away, but I let it all slip away from me. I let the people slip by, the time, my dream of qualifying for boston this go around.
I haven't really mentioned the fact that it was unexpectedly hot in fargo, north dakota. the previous afternoon was spent walking around downtown fargo in 80+ degree weather. I had brought some mini gloves to wear at the start until things warmed up. . . I never even took them out of my bag.
oh, and 20 - 30 mile an hour winds were on the schedule too. perfect.

so I spent the next miles pouring water all over myself at aid stations. stopping for no apparent reason. and cursing all the hills on this "flat" course. okay, okay. so the course is pretty flat. the hills were mostly just overpasses and underpasses. but when coupled with a fierce headwind, it was just a little more than I could bear in the moment.
and it was a headwind. for the entire second half of the marathon. and a strong headwind at that. at one time I was almost stopped dead in my tracks, and another I was almost blown sideways. for about five seconds there was a blessed tailwind, and then right back into fighting against it. no relief.

but what did I expect? I knew there was a likely chance for wind. maybe if I had raced with the nutrition plan I trained with things would have been a little better. I was going longer in between gu's. note to self:
food gives you energy. and for the sake of this argument, gu's are being considered as food. eat them as often as you did in training. thank you, self, for listening--oh, and run your own race next time.
the last miles were hard just because by this time I was stopping for no reason a lot more than I would have ever done normally. my muscles were tight, sure. and I had the expected pains of running for a long time. but it wasn't that bad. it wasn't like
last year. I was just mentally kaput.
and that is why I have been so hard on myself. I gave up. I was fine with not qualifying for boston--in fact I know it's not the right time for that; it's hopefully time to start focusing on another marathon of sorts--but that does not mean I had the right to completely give up on myself. to stop. especially for no apparent reason.
maybe I should've hopped on another pace group's bandwagon. had the moral support to keep myself running. these are the lessons I learn. next time it will be different.
and again, I feel I really have no reason for disappointment. I finished a marathon after an injury sidelined me from running for a month. I could've given up the hope long before. I have to remember that the sheer fact of finishing is a huge accomplishment in itself. I had people all over the country supporting me and cheering me on. my injury was pain free. I am truly blessed.
so thank you fargo-moorhead, for the friendly little run through your neighborhoods. I will never forget my fargo dome finish. I was like a rock star on that jumbotron.
and most importantly thank you peter -- you are my biggest cheerleader in life. I feel I can do anything with you by my side. and thank you
dad for your continued support + love as well. and mom, that goes for you too--you were there in spirit via the signs (that unfortunately I only got to see once!) and thank you bloggy-peeps who are even interested in this little kenyan's running. it means the world.